#feel free to share your thoughts!! i'm coming at this from the perspective of someone playing laura in a local production

[animalceramics]

In my new Holy Trinity fic, I'm revisiting my HC of young Daniel being bad at sex.

I'll share a relevant excerpt below and then a bit of meta fic analysis, for anyone who may be interested.

Minor spoilers for chapter 2 of Daniel's Minion below.

It’s a shock to tune into Daniel's mind and find him nowhere near orgasm. In fact, he’s barely feeling it at all. Sure, he’s brimming with sensory input, but it’s got the tactile nuance of white noise. It’s a cacophony of motion, noise and adrenaline, but with none of those tight little hooks of pleasure that pull you along and have you chasing, moving this way and that, a slave to the body’s overwhelming instinct to seek pleasure and release.

Instead, what’s happening in his body feels like an endurance exercise of relentless exertion, like jogging on the treadmill, limbs on automatic pilot.. but instead of being similarly disassociated from his thoughts, the boy's internal dialogue is incessant; is this what he wanted? Is it good? Am I being too loud? He likes it loud, right? Does he? He must do. What else does he want? Does it look good? Is this how he does it for him? Should I slow down? No. Keep going. Will he want it like before? Should I do that instead? What does that look mean? Why is he looking at me like that? What did I do wrong? Fuck. What -’

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I imagine that 70's Daniel has a very performative element to the way he, well, performs - in bed. Starting with his encounters at Mary's, he's playing a part (for them? for himself?). His sexual activities there are not authentically focused on his own pleasure or even an authentic expression of what he really desired.

Even with Armand, I think in the early days, Daniel was perhaps made to feel like something to be observed and studied, played with and analysed, rather than someone who could enjoy things for his own sake, in a mutually beneficial way. The power dynamic is always weighted so heavily against him. And that has connotations here.

I think in some ways it's easier for a Daniel in his twenties, who doesn't know himself so well yet, and is drawn to the stronger characters and desires of others, to give them this performance - of what they want - rather than ask himself that same question.

To find that out, I think you have to feel free from judgement, able to lose that self-conscious internal voice or eye from the ceiling that is viewing how you look or talk or move etc. from your partner's perspective.

You also have to feel supported and treated with respect, as an equal, like your partner genuinely cares about your needs as much as their own. He wouldn't get that from casual hook-ups and Armand at this time would fail at these points too.

I also write young Daniel as not great at speaking up or out for himself sexually, which might seem OOC, he's the most outspoken yapper ever, right? But the thing is, when it comes to this, I don't think he necessarily knows how to ask for specifics, or something like a break or to even say not tonight or whatever. He has the threat from Armand, I'll stay interested in you as long as you stay interesting. There's a pressure to fuck yes, but also to 'perform'. Armand de director likes a show.

I also get the impression Daniel's self-esteem was pretty low at this time. Does he even value or care about himself enough to feel he deserves this? Would he be able to handle it if it was actually given?

Another reason he doesn't get to work on his sexual communication with Armand is that, with the mind gift, he kind of doesn't need to. A point I have oldvampDaniel make to him in this fic is - there is more to sex and your sexuality than Armand, or there needs to be. You need to be safe. You need to advocate for yourself, with him yes, but most certainly with others. Daniel's dick could/has/will lead him into some potentially dangerous situations.

In the previous installment of this series (Betamax) I described a couple of Daniel & Armand's vintage sex tapes. Aside from the fun of writing the unhinged smut of it all, it was also me presenting very literally this concept of young Daniel as Armand's to direct and control sexually. He's instructing him, directing him and recording him in a couple of very contrived scenarios where Daniel has very limited control. (Specifically, Daniel being tied up and used by a dominatrix and Armand, and then being recorded and 'forced' to masturbate on camera for Armand with orgasm denial etc).

Because this series gives me the interesting opportunity to write Daniel & Armand sex in both the past and present, I can compare and contrast, and explore this more. When I show Daniel & Armand in the present day, BDSM and power play is 100% their thing, but now it's different. It switches and the switching is often the best bit, part of the play and the fun and the joy.

I love the characterisation of vampDaniel where he is now, as an older man, as a vampire - confident and powerful, he knows himself now and he's owning and having fun with all that entails, including the way he fucks!

All of that was a very long way of me saying, this current fic is a fun way for me to literally put young Daniel and old Daniel together and force them to talk about (and fuck about) all this mess. Plus, the whole concept of making literal the - getting to know yourself and explore your own sexuality thing - hard to resist.

Young Daniel: Bad at sex?

I’m writing a new fic, set in the San Francisco stalking/obsession phase of Daniel/Armand’s relationship. In the latest chapter Daniel picks up a girl from a bar. The comments on the chapter really made me laugh. Specifically:

I’ve actually given an inappropriately large amount of thought on why I portrayed him as bad at sex here (and of course it’s something that will change/develop through the story via his interactions with Armand).

So here is my own HC on why Young Daniel is a bit shit in bed..

I was inspired by how he conducts himself in the interview with Louis in the show. Like he won't shut up, he's talking over him, he's only really focused on his own interpretation of the story, not listening to what Louis is actually saying or appreciating his feelings. I applied all that to his bedroom moves.

Also young Daniel is extremely attractive and charismatic, so I don't think he has to work that hard for it or put in so much effort if he is not inclined to do so. Here he is not inclined. He’s very distracted and he’s using this girl as a way to not think about his stalking situation.

I also wanted to draw some parallels between what Armand is doing or will do to Daniel and things Daniel himself does to others. Specifically that he is also very curious about people in (maybe) a sort of detached way and can use that insight to manipulate others to get what he wants. I think part of why A/D work so well is that they are very similar, sometimes in quite dark ways.

Because this story is very strictly from Daniel’s POV, I’m not able to show Armand’s internal thought process or motivations. So I'll share a bit of it here instead; There is the ‘must find out why this boy is fascinating’ thing from the episode, BUT I think he’s using that more as an excuse or distraction. Distracting from the shit-show with Louis, the things thrown at him in that argument, the fact Louis chose death over him (his words) etc.

Stalking and obsessing about Daniel gives him that distraction, just as in this fic, Daniel uses the girl from the bar. It gives them both a sense of control and power, something they’ve both just taken a hit on.

My additional HC for young Daniel regarding who he is sexually, is that he doesn’t really know himself that way yet (not many of us do at that age I suppose). He’s happier being led by others or adapting to their wishes (he was ready to jump in that coffin!) and he’s needy for approval, so that’s an easy way to feel ‘successful’ at sex i.e. by giving the other person what you think they want. This is obviously not helped by the way he uses/sees sex as transactional at Mary’s. My whole thinking is that Daniel actually doesn’t really know what HE wants yet. That applies doubly to sex with men because he is perhaps not being honest about his motivations for that.

I’m going to expand and develop all these ideas over the course of the story, as Armand directly challenges him on a lot of it. But of course he doesn’t do it in a nice romantic safe or sane way, because that’s not who they are to each other here, it’s in more of the psychosexual torture way. It’s the early devil’s minion brand and I subscribe happily to it.

Anyway if you want to enjoy Daniel being bad at hetero sex it’s in chapter 3..